


Superboy or Superman?

by sheldon6



Category: DC Animated Universe (Timmverse), DCU, DCU (Comics), Young Justice (Cartoon), Young Justice - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Coming Out, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Rejection, Romance, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2019-10-25 14:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17726939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sheldon6/pseuds/sheldon6
Summary: Set in between season 1 and 2, during the 5 year jump. Superman is having trouble expressing his feelings for the Dark Knight, and in the process becomes fond of  another. Coming out story and psychological issues. Multiple pairings





	1. Feelings

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This story will contain mature content  
> Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, weapons, locations or ideas. They are owned by DC, not me.
> 
> This story was originally on fanfic.net but then the whole religious group moved in and the age of flagging happened and yeah, so I decided to move it here, hope you guys like it.
> 
>  
> 
> Song inspiration for this story is Créeme by Karol G. & Maluma

Mama always said to be truthful about how you felt, especially to someone you loved. But then I guess she'd never imagined it would have been an unpredictable, anti-social man. A man who's world revolved around duty first, life second. A man who is always overlooked on the battle field, but the last one you'd see. A man where fun comes last. Were lives come before his own. A man who demands nothing for his good deeds. A loving man, unwilling to receive any in return.

Yes, the man I most respect, admire, and love is unreachable in my terms. He is so far above me that no matter how hard I try; even being able to fly, could never reach his level of devotion and honor. If obtainable would be the biggest prize. But that would most likely never happen, because even with all my strength and glory, I was just a guy . . . a colleague. And having to go through the pain of seeing him everyday and not confessing my deepest, darkest feelings for him is just as worse a burden.

So when the day came that I witnessed the exchange of glances, smiles and flirtatious feats from him and the princess of Themyscira, I knew that any chance I had was cut down in that instance. It was time that I stepped up and overcome the barrier that was holding me back from declaring my feelings for him.

* * *

As Superman was making his way to Batman's usual position at the Watch tower, light voices overhead indicated a conversation between Wonder Woman and Black Canary.

Superman wasn't one to pry, but he opted on eavesdropping just a bit, just in case they mentioned him. Just in case.

"So are you and Batman serious?" Black Canary mentioned to Wonder Women as if she wasn't interested.

"Serious about what?" The tall goddess questioned turning to the blonde.

Dinah rolled her eyes leaning on table as she smirked at Diana. "Like are you two a thing?"

"No! Of course not, why would you even think that me and him were together!" She responded a little defensively "I am strictly prohibited from meddling around with men, especially human men!" 

"Jeez, calm down I was just asking, I didn't say it was true." Black Canary rolled her eyes at the nervousness evident in Wonder Women's tone.

"I am calm! And this is the end of the conversation!" Wonder Women almost yelled as she exited the room just as Flash entered.

The confusion written on his face asked the question whirling in his mind as he stopped mid-stride into the training room.

"Don't ask." sighed Canary.

"Wasn't going to." Flash whispered quickly.

Clark paused momentarily at the conversation, trying to make sense of the tone used by the pair. It seemed that Wonder Women did have feelings for Batman. This was not good.This could seriously hurt his chances. He had to get to the detective as soon as possible.

He sped down the corridors till he reached Batman's work station. He peeked inside and saw no one.

Odd.

The caped crusader usually was there typing away at the keypad, working on something important. 

Red booted clanged against the smooth metal surface as he walked inside and saw no one within the vicinity, not even in the shadows of the room.

"Are you looking for Batman?" 

Superman turned slowly to be met with red, white and blue. Copycat.

"Yes." It took him a moment to respond. " Do you know where he is?" He attempted with as little poison in his voice as he could muster.

"He's at Mount Justice, talking with our protégés." She clarified, noting the odd tone in his usual friendly voice.

"Thanks." Clark waved quickly as he ran past her. He certainly did not want to deal with her right now.

As he paused as he reached the transporter in consideration. Superboy was most likely going to be there and that was another issue he didn't want to mess with now. His feet started to pace him back and forth as he fell into deep thought about the consequences of if he did and didn't go.

If he did go then he would most likely have to go through the awkwardness of having Superboy stare at him the whole time with his angered glare. And most likely hear him badmouth the Kryptonian to his teammates about how bad he is for not talking to him and accepting him as an individual. Then having to turn the clone away when confronted for not being there and what not. Then having the other league members there give the elder super discouraged looks for not being an appropriate role model for Superboy and yada yada yada. But worst of all, having Batman be ashamed of the way he acted.

Maybe this time it'll be different.

But then if he didn't go, then he would miss out on having the chance to talk to Batman privately on Earth and possibly finally getting the nerve to tell him how he felt about him. How he's always felt.

Small set back's like Superboy's confrontations would be nothing in comparison. Being able to speak with Batman alone for once would be enough to get him through the week.

Having made up his mind, he pressed the button on the teleporter that would send him to Mount Justice. The thought of missing a moment with the Dark Knight alone was enough to resolve the warring conflict in his mind there and then.

The rest was just going to have to figure itself out in the process.


	2. Nervousness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Supes tries to talk to bats, but you know shit happens

"I will not repeat myself." The concentrated voice of their dark superior announced sternly as a threat to any other contemplative argument awaiting to surface from the mouths of the teens before him.

"B-but, what are we supposed to do in the mean time then!" Yelled Kidflash throwing his arms up in the air hunching over in defeat, as the elder man retreated towards the transporter.

Batman turned around to face the disappointed group once again, inwardly sighing in frustration. "Stay here and wait till a League member contacts you with additional orders." declared the dark knight as he turned on his heel to the transporter.

The children all hunched over in mock defeat, looking from one to the other.

_'Man this seriously is starting to get on my nerves how little faith they have in us!'_ Artemis thought crossing her arms with a pouty look on her face.

_'Yeah, just when they start leading us to believe that we're "League Worthy" They shut us down again!'_ Wally interjected mimicking Artemis as he stood next to her with crossed arms.

_'Guys! You know why they don't send us on serious missions like this! It-'_

_'It's because were kids! They don't trust us!'_  Kid flash interrupted smacking a fist into an opened palm.

_'No! It's because they care about our safety!'_  Superboy explained telepathically, physically walking to the center of the circle and turning to glance at each one of his teammates with all seriousness on his face. ' _Even I understand that ... and I don't even have a mentor to show me that on a daily basis!'_ The boy grievously stated looking towards the ground.

M'gann came over and rubbed him gently on the shoulders as the rest of the team looked elsewhere in shame at hearing the clones truthful words. Superboy was right, it made perfect sense. Their heads had just been clouded with envy and betrayal.

Dejectedly, all the attention in the room was turned via the teleporter assuming they would prey eyes on a departing bat, but instead were all stunned at the sight of red and blue exiting the portal.

Conner's face went pale at the site of his better half entering the cave.

The leader of the justice league entered without even a glance towards the group of teens.

* * *

 

The renowned hero had his eyes honed in on one person in the room.

That one person whose attention was never stolen by the presence of the man of steel like everyone else he had encountered. But whose presence demanded and announced itself whenever he entered a room. Whose presence stole even the great Superman's attention without hesitation.

The Dark Knight was configuring a location on the holographic screen near the teleporter dock station. His fingers were typing away at the keyboard eyes never once shifting over to his fellow superior.

Superman sighed and crossed his arms over his broad chest whenever his beloved ignored his not so quiet stride towards his position. He stood there a moment before he summoned the courage to speak.

"Uh-Bru-Batman, can I speak to you? I have to tell you someth-"

"Is it important?" The hero interrupted still looking down at the screen.

Superman faltered a second and thought it over. Well it was important to him, but he wasn't sure if Batman would consider it of equal importance. Probably not, but it was to him . . . so that's all that really mattered.

"Yes."

". . ."

There was a long pause between them that even made the team of youngsters halt in motion and breathing. The Man of Steel himself held his breathe looking around confused unsure if he should say something. He looked over to where the teens were frozen and noted that they all looked back at Clark with pleading eyes. Superman made a face when he heard the other man begin to speak.

"Well? I'm waiting." Batman declared impatiently, activating the transporter and turning towards Superman crossing his arms over his chest. All of his undivided attention directed towards the boy scout in front of him.

Suddenly the air in Superman's lungs began to come in and out heavily. The act of breathing became more laborious. He could feel his heart racing in his iron chest as he examined the contours of his colleagues face, lips then well toned body. He then looked away realizing what he was doing. His face lit up as he looked down towards the ground in shame. If Batman had noticed his gawking then what was the point of telling him how he felt?

* * *

 

Superboy's eye's flew open at the sight before him. He couldn't believe it.

Superman.

The good hearted, indestructible Superman was here. He had the gall to come in here and waste Batman's time like this.

Superboy squinted up watching and listening in on what was so important that Superman had to come all the way to Mount Justice and make Batman drop everything he had planned just to listen to one problem the Great Man of Steel couldn't fix. The teen crossed his arms over his chest in frustration at the scenario playing out before him.

Then there it was.

_Was Superman?_  Conner blinked his eyes a few times making sure he wasn't just seeing things. The image was still in front of him. The honorable Superman crumbling to pieces whenever the Dark Knight payed complete attention to him. He couldn't, could not believe what he was seeing. 

_Did Superman? No. No!_  There was no mistaken it. The man had a blush on his cheeks that would put his cape to shame. Conner could see the flushed hero's rapid heartbeat and hear the strong pumping of blood coursing through his veins.

The sound of a voice brought his attention back towards Superman's lips.

* * *

 

The hero looked up and breathed in deeply and let it all out quickly as he glanced over to where the super-teens still stood like statues, anticipating the next few words that were going to leave his mouth. His eyes caught hold of Superboy's and the teens deadly stare bore holes into his retinas.

The Superior swallowed hard as he turned towards his friend, Superboy's image flashing repeatedly in his line of sight. He looked deep into where he thought Batman's eyes were and gently spoke.

"Can we go somewhere private?"

"This fortress is very secured, no one will hear what you have to say."

Superman looked around and sighed in defeat looking down at his feet nervously, before meeting Bruce's eyes again.

"I mean, more private. . . Away from  _them_." He whispered looking over at the awaiting sidekicks.

Batman looked to where the children stood and back at Clark squinting his eyes in thought as to why the conversation had to be so disclosed. He nodded and lead the way to a  _safe_  place to talk.


	3. Finally

Ducking into a hidden office near the farthest point in Mount Justice, did the caped crusader turn and look expectantly towards his good friend. With his arms crossed and posture rigid was all the indication that Clark needed to know that Bruce was giving him all his undivided attention.

They were far away from the sidekicks and there were far too many thick lead walls for any Super to try to peep through. So he thought it was a reasonable place to discuss what was racking his colleges mind.

The look he received from Clark after he had triple checked the area around them to make sure they were alone caused one skeptical eyebrow to rise behind a dark cowl.

Superman blew out a breath as he looked back up towards Batman and tried to look as serious as he could in order to ensure Bruce knew he wasn't playing. He would have preferred to have left the compound, but Bruce took charge. As always.

"Clark, is there something wrong?" The usually gruff voice asked as Bruce Wayne then. A twinge of concern laced within the short phrase.

The man of steel shook his head violently as an awkward smile stretched across his face. Kevlar encased hands were placed gently on his shoulders and it was all the Super could do to not outwardly react to that simple action.

The man opposite him eyed him oddly and waited patiently for what was so urgent to hear.

* * *

 

"What do you think they're talking about?" Wally asked the group as they all made their way towards the kitchen.

The teens shrugged as they looked to one another. It could be anything really, League matters most likely. When did Superman ever come down to Mount Justice to "talk" to Batman? It obviously had to be something catastrophic if The Man of Steel himself took the time of day to come down here just to update the other superior. You could clearly tell there was something up just by looking at the Kryptonians face.

"I hope it isn't anything bad. He did look really anxious to tell Batman." M'gann said grabbing some water from the fridge.

"Yeah, did you see how he kept looking at us like they were going to discuss something we weren't supposed to know about?" Artemis added sitting at one of the bar stools.

"Whatever it may be, I am sure they have a handle on things." Kaldur added sitting next to Artemis in the kitchen.

Conner leaned against the fridge as he held a cup of water to his mouth in thought. Why did Superman have to come over? Couldn't he just have called Batman to the watchtower instead of going through the trouble of dropping by and making everyone feel uncomfortable?

At any rate, the behavior expressed through the heroes face was a very uncommon one indeed, and Conner wanted to know what it was about. So he saw his opportunity as everyone was riled up on the conversation and quietly slipped out of the kitchen. He reached the rec room and followed down the hall he saw the two heroes exit out through.

As he traveled farther away from the kitchen, did he begin to feel a churning feeling in his gut. Perhaps it wasn't such a great idea to go after the two after all. For all he knew, if he were to get caught trying to listen in on their conversation he would be in serious trouble and grounded from leaving Mount Justice for the rest of his life . . . Whatever that was.

But he had this niggling sensation as of late of everything and anything that pertained to the Caped Crusaders life and if he didn't find out what was going on he surely was going to explode with anxiousness.

He opened his hearing for any sound that might lead him to his objective. He tried to use his unsteady X-ray vision, but found that that wasn't such a reliable source, seeming as he was still very inexperienced in the art of seeing through anything.

A door was heard closing quickly to an underground office not far off. He smiled grimly to himself as he crouched and began treading slowly through the hallways as quietly as possible.

He silently thanked Robin and Batman for all the stealth training or else he would have tripped over his own feet by now and given off his position. How Bat managed to appear and disappear to both him and Superman was beyond him. But he guessed that's one of the things Conner found most intriguing about the elder hero. . . . And the way he was so highly respected even though he hadn't any powers, or how he carried this ominous aura around him that no one else did. Or how- no. He had to concentrate dammit.

He leaned against a corner a couple of meters away from the door- it was close enough for him to be able to hear the low voices in the hidden office. What he heard was mainly the Dark knight's voice attempting to coax the Super to tell him what the issue was.

Conner gently leaned his head against the wall as he focused his fluctuating hearing on the two inside so as to not miss Superman's reason for all this secrecy.

* * *

 

Clark looked to Bruce's lidded eyes and wished he could look into those striking sapphire orbs as he was about to confess his darkest secret to him. He wanted to see Bruce's reaction. The Batman was known as a man of no emotions, but if Clark knew anything about Bruce, it would be that he was just as expressive as any other human being. Well, just not with facial expressions, rather more with his eyes. His eyes always gave away all his secrets, especially to the ones who knew how to read them as easily as Clark could.

He had always suspected that that was the real reason behind why he wore a cowl. He had a look that could kill, that could immobilize a person, or even bring the toughest of men to their knees.

Superman supposed that was one thing that really attracted him to this lethal warrior.

But in all honesty who wasn't attracted to Batman? He knew that despite his hard exterior and harsh demands, everyone on the team had a soft spot for the fellow. And whether that turned to one thing or another, he knew that once he had seen the face behind the mask, the eyes behind those white caps. That he Kal-EL Clark Joseph Kent was utterly and madly in love with his best friend and most feared member of the league.

But he was sure no one really feared him, well maybe a little, but more . . . respected him. So he had to find the most respectable way to put his feelings into words. If only he had pre-planned this conversation a few hundred times before barging in and making it seem like it was an urgent matter, when it was probably a big waste of his time. Oh Rao! How was he going to do this?

". . . Clark, I need to know what the problem is, because if it's something that doesn't require my presence at this very moment. Then I will be heading back to Gotham." This caused the red and blue hero's head to snap up in attention. He was met with the sight of a retreating dark figure towards the office door.

Those few, soft spoken words had Superman dashing in front of that very same door-blocking the other hero's exit. His body was only a few short inches away from Bruce's and he felt a heat climbing up the base of his neck upwards to his face and splashing onto his cheeks. He looked away as the other pursed his lips and titled his head ever so slightly analyzing the behavior of his best friend.

Superman's eyes widened in horror as he heard another heartbeat not far from their location. Help him be forgiven for what he was about to do.

Clark looked towards the dark clad figure in front of him with rosy cheeks and frigid ice flowing through his veins as he reached out and cupped the other man's jaw in hand, guiding it towards his face as his other arm wrapped around his colleague's waist. Their bodies flush against one another's, as their lips met with surprising gentleness at the speed it transpired.

The man of steel could not believe what was happening. He couldn't believe that this long awaited and long lasting dream was finally coming true! The way his lips were moving against Bruce's was something other worldly and believe him on that. His mind was reeling as the other mans hands gripped at his body. He could not believe what was happening. Then Clark's hand slid to the back of Bruce's neck deepening the kiss and the dark knight let out a muffled noise that unleashed a hunger that Superman was not aware he held within himself. He could not believe what was being played out in front of him.

The hands on his back gripped tight and a knee made contact with his stomach, sending him against the door behind him. Not so much because of the force of the blow, but from the shock it sent the Kryptonian into.

Clark looked towards the crouching man in front of him. Mouth open gasping for air and white eye caps gone, only to reveal hurt sapphire ones. He couldn't break eye contact with that stare. It was one that he had seen once and had never wished to again. The aliens heart broke at the sight of those usually hard, sure and intimidating orbs now glazed over with what Clark could only distinguish as tears of betrayal.

"B-Bruce I'm so sor—" He was cut off mid sentence and mid dash towards his friend as sirens blasted throughout Mount Justice accompanied by blinding flashing red lights that filled every crevice of the base.

Superman looked back towards his friend and was met with cold, calculated Batman once again; eyes covered and vulnerability gone.

Clark went up to ensure his friends solidarity, but was stopped just as he had opened his mouth with the wave of a hand.

"Save it Clark, now's not the time." Was all that was said as he watched his dream slip away and run out the door and into the havoc going on outside.

* * *

 

Superboy closed his eyes as he concentrated on what was being conversed, but there really wasn't much conversation and more of a fumbling sound coming from the small room.

Then he heard muffled sounds that caused his eyes to fly open and for him to rise ready to dash onward to save Batman from whatever Superman was doing to him. But he paused mid stride as he heard Clark's croaking voice and the sound of the vigilante's heavy breathing.

Alarms blared suddenly, causing the genomorph to wince in pain covering his ears as his eyes shot up to  the door that the leaguers had concealed themselves behind. His eyes widened slightly in panic as he ran into a nearby room.

He watched as the dark crusader ran past with Superman not far behind, who halted momentarily to give a sidelong glance towards the boy of steel; in what was the gym, covering his ears in pain. The elder man's face rang out in surprise as he continued on his way quickly after the other leaguer.

Conner took his hands off his ears a few minutes later and stepped out of the gym door cautiously looking down the halls for any red and blue. Whenever he saw the coast was clear, he briskly walked down the labyrinth of halls to his bedroom and when his eyes set on his door only a few feet away he blew out a breath of relief.

He immediately stopped that action, as well as his legs as a certain patriotic figure flew in his path, blocking his destination. He kept still, staring straight ahead at the S-shield on the mans chest and hoped if he didn't move, he wouldn't be seen. But whenever the man held his position in front of him did Superboy slowly raise his stare to meet the others angered face. A chill ran up his spine at the deathly tone in the others voice.

"Superboy . . . we need to talk. Alone."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm saying that the reason why Superman didn't notice Conner creeping was because he was dying while trying to confess his love to bats.


	4. Pain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Serious hurtage in this chapter.

The tension laced between those few words ripped right through Conner. He looked around to see if anyone else was witnessing this, sadly none of his friends were to be found.

He was pulled out of his thoughts as a firm hand grabbed hold of his bicep, tugging him along into his bedroom; followed by the swoosh to his door, signaling that they were alone.

Once he was released by the elder he retreated to the opposite side of his small living quarters to glare down at his genetic donor, fighting the urge to rub the soreness from his arm.

The look that was etched upon Superman's face brought all the resentment he held for the man to a pause.

Why was he making such a pitiful face? If anyone should look for pity should it not be himself?

Then the man of steel heaved a sigh and began to pace back and forth between the small space given. Conner stood there watching the other for a few laps before he eyed his bed, slowly shuffling to its soft edge. But as his rear hit the mattress below did his superiors insistent pacing come to a sudden halt. The teen froze in place as he and the others eyes met. One in confusion, the other in horror.

"I-I'm sorry Superboy... I don't even know what I'm doing here." The other said awkwardly standing in the middle of the room rubbing the back of his neck.

"Conner."

"...What?" Responded a confused Super.

"My name." The teen sat up with more strength in his voice this time. "My name is Conner."

Heavy moments passed as his words hung in the air.

"-Conner." Was tested on some unprepared lips.

Superboy nodded his head in confirmation. It sounded ... nice coming from his mouth. Hearing Superman finally address him by his name.

"Well, what is it you needed to speak to me about?" Superboy reminded his distracted man as he faced him fully.

Superman's face lit up as though he were startled by something.

"Uh-yes. I wanted to know where you were whenever the alarm was set off?" The other took on an authoritative tone as he interrogated the younger man.

"I was in the gym working out, but then the sound of the sirens hurt my ears and I guess that's when you saw me." Conner gestured towards the other, "Why did they go off any ways? Is everyone alright?" He hurriedly attempted to change the subject at the disbelieving face he received from his answer.

"...Yes, everything and everyone are fine. It just seems that Artemis and Kidflash got into an argument that lead to a quarrel and they ended up almost burning the kitchen down." The boy scout finished with a concerned face.

Superboy merely chuckled as he thought of what Wally did to tick Artemis off so badly. He'd have to ask Dick what it was later. He looked up as he heard a hum of acceptance and in time to see the hero exiting the room.

"H-hey, where are you going?" The dark haired boy questioned lifting off his bed after the leaguer.

"I was going to finish surveying the perimeter and meet up with Batman." Was the almost irritable response he gave the teen.

Conner looked down feeling somehow ashamed and discouraged, knocking his boots together, but immediately ceased the pathetic scene as he heard a grunt from above. He looked to the man straight on, almost threateningly, squaring his shoulders and mounting himself to the floor.

"Can I come with you?"

There was a long drawn out silence at the question. Their identifiable features crossing as time passed outrageously slow.

"Well," Superman croaked out" I suppose it wouldn't hurt to have an extra set of good ears." he smirked down at the unrelenting teen, undoubtedly uncertain. "I mean, Batman's not very easy to find, even for me. Especially if he doesn't want to be found." Clark huffed the last part under his breath and they shared another breathless moment before heading off.

* * *

 

If they received any odd looks from the inhabitants of the mount, they went unnoticed, because their attentions were solely left for the caped crusader.

As they walked around, the elder Super couldn't understand why the younger insisted they walk the compound instead of just flying around, they would have certainly gotten the inspection over with much quicker. But later then he didn't mind as much as they spoke surprisingly easier about themselves to one another.

It was only then that Superman found that the boy didn't possess all of his capabilities due to the human portion of his genome. In a way he felt a bit sorrowful to hear this. He couldn't place his finger on why, but he did nonetheless.

Eventually they did find Batman, who at the sight of the duo all but left the leaguer stunned from amazement at the two. Almost.

Superboy was sent off with a grateful nod from both superiors and they were left alone again.

The leaguers didn't get anything settled then either and contrary to that, the situation became worse between the senior members.

In the end, both parties parted ways in bitterness.

* * *

It had been weeks since Clark was able to physically, no less electronically be in contact with his best friend-turned man crush. And it was tearing the Kryptonian apart every time he called or was sent away by Alfred on Bruce's behalf. Not even Dick or any of the members of the league were of any help, and it was all he could do to not literally break into Bruce's manor.

He had to find some way to be able to corner the man in an intimately, secluded area where they could-were he could- explain and perhaps fix everything back to the way it was. But he had absolutely no idea how to fix what was broken between them. He had no one to turn to for help or advice without raising red flags about the leader of the leagues sexual orientation.

That was another problem Superman had no idea how to address. Clark didn't want to come out to the league, because he was worried how everyone would react knowing their leader liked men or at least Bruce in that way.

Which lead to another issue Clark had no idea how to face. He wasn't entirely sure if he found men overall attractive or if the billionaire was the exception. And how was he to know for certain. Did he have to conduct tests?Would that be okay of him to do? Who could he possibly test these theories out on besides Bruce?

All of these question and uncertainties are what scared him the most about his situation.

He knew Bruce would never say anything about what he had done to him, because he still held some form of dignity and respect for the Super.

And how could that not make Mr. Kent's chest ache with regret and pain for severing his friends trust in such a disrespectful manner.

All he knew was that before he could advance with anything he had to take a trip to the Kent farm.

His refuge.

Somewhere he could go and hide for awhile in the shelter of his mothers love.

* * *

When his feet landed on the dirt gravel driveway leading to the white chapel that was his home, did he suddenly feel gravity's force. He felt shaky with every step and ailing as if exposed to kryptonite. He wet his lips as he watched the wind comb through the endless rows of freshly plowed soil that surrounded his childhood home.

The front screen door opened with a white flash exiting its confines. There was a bark before he had the wind knocked out of him accompanied by a barrage of slobbery wet kisses on his chin. A large smile creaked itself upon his face as he raked his hands through the soft white fur of Kryto. His head lolled to the side as he let the dog have his way with him. The screen door opened again to reveal Martha Kent, his aging mother that held a soft smile to her thin lips.

He almost fell onto her small frame and squeezed as tightly as he could inhaling the smell of pies off her clothes. His mouth watered a moment before he heard her sigh in relief at having him back home again safe and sound. They pulled back after a moment longer and she held his face between her wrinkling hands watching him with bright eyes and creasing cheeks that framed her mouth.

He had never noticed how old his mother was till that very moment. Clark's brow dipped in concern at the sudden revelation, rattling him from the daunting feeling that crept down his spine, as he watched his mother retreat back into the house followed by an almost floating Kypto and slouching bespectacled man. He held the thin door open as his mother bent slowly; apron on, mittens under a steaming pie from the oven, a soft glow to her aged face. A sinking emotion weighed him down in the doorway as he watched the frail figure in front of him.

"Clark, honey why don't you go and get settled upstairs while I finish things up in-" She paused as a large hand rested heavily against her forearm. She turned to see what her son wanted, but the words were stuck in her throat as she saw the shameful look that claimed his youthful face. An almost shaking hand came to rest on his shoulder, jolting him from the simple gesture. "What is it, Clark?"

He knew this moment would have to have come one time or another. So with as much strength as he could muster, he faced his adoptive mother fully. Clark attempted to look strong, laying assured hands on either of his mothers slim shoulders, looking into her eyes with as much passion his frightened body could muster at the moment.

"Ma, I-" he trailed off looking down a moment to inhale deeply,"Ma, there's something that you need to know about. Something I've been keeping secret from you."

At her questionable face, he guided her to the dining table sitting her down for what would be shell-shocking news to his aging mother. He seated himself in front of her and he began to nervously fiddle with the dining sheet as he thought slightly thankful, that Pa wasn't there to hear this.

"Clark, what is it?" His mothers concerned voice rung in his ears and he ditched his seat to stand.

The man of steel scuffed both hands through his hair, pacing about the table. He looked upwards as his eyes began to sting and his face grew hot from the onslaught of emotions that were suddenly surfacing.

"Clark-"

"I'm in love, Ma." was his quick answer.

That left his mother suspiciously silent, he eyed her and cringed at what he saw.

Martha Kent had an almost ethereal glow about her face as her mouth hung open in a smile, with two crinkled eyes. Clearing her throat, she sat up straight and softly shook her head after a few pauses to reminisce.

"I knew that Lois would be the one for my son. Not to mention she is gorgeous! Clark I'm so happy for you!" She almost yelled holding her arms out for her boy.

Dumbstruck by the statement, her son froze in place eyeing his mother as if she had spoken Kryptonian. He shook his head and lightly pushed her arms down.

"No mom. She's not who I'm talking about. She is a great girl, but the person I love is in the league and-"

"Wonder Woman? But, I thought she was with Batman?" She held up a hand to scratch her head in slight confusion, seeing as her obvious choice was thrown out the window.

Clark sighed as he sat down in front of his mother again, grabbing a hold of her hands to reign in her attention as well in an attempt for support and to show his absolute sincerity.

"No ma." He paused, "It's none of them. Well it's no woman in this universe." At her confused face he looked deep into her eyes and took a deep breath, "Ma, I'm gay. And . . . I'm in love with my best friend."

A shy smile took his lips at the release, but it dropped as he saw no reaction from his parent. His heart pounded in his ears as he witnessed his mothers face go blank and frowned when she pulled away from him. She casually got up and headed for the kitchen with a petrified Kryptonian trailing behind. Tears began to swell in Clark's eyes as he saw, no less felt his mothers dejected aura.

"So that's it? Of  _all_ the things that you're going to reject about me, it's  _this_?!" Clark's voice broke, as his throat began to tighten around each word. "I thought I could confide in you, Ma! I-I thought you loved me for whoever  _I_  was! For whoever  _I_  would  _love_!"

He stood there watching, waiting for anything.

"I-I-I don't know what else to say." He began to back away in realization, "It's like I don't even know who you are." He whispered the last bit, breaking down.

He looked up after a few painful sobs to see his mother glaring at him from down her nose, a small scowl set her face and he saw her shake her head frowning. She turned back around to resume washing the dishes as if he hadn't ever stepped foot in the house to begin with.

Clark heaved as a hand clenched at his chest, bolting for the door, rushing outside running as fast as he could through the brush-nonstop. Eventually he was circling the globe, in a desperate attempt to escape this nightmare that was driving him insane. 

First Bruce rejected him, and now his own mother! He didn't know where to go, he had to find somewhere, someone he could go to but his mind was a mess. So he kept running. Running until his legs shook. Until his tears ran dry and days passed. Until he couldn't anymore.

He collapsed upon a warm sandy beach, afoot a random mountain. One look around told him exactly where he was.

Happy Harbor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :,(


	5. Reconciliation

“Where are you going Conner?” M'gann called out behind the boy of steel.

Superboy paused as he waited for the martian to catch up to him. When she was by his side she latched onto his arm and they resumed walking in silence.

“So Dick said that we have the night off and we were going to go meet up with some kids from school and probably go to Happy Harbor.” Her green eyes flashed up at him as they continued down an uncharted path in the compound with a whining Wolfe at their heels.

They walked in silence before the green teen shook her head as she sighed.

“What?” Conner asked defensively.

“Do you want to go?” She giggled at his aloofness.

“Uh-I don't know.” His feet stopped as he turned to face the beautiful girl. “I can't say I want to.” he answered honestly, ”But I can't say that I don't want to either.” he remedied as he saw disappointment shape her lovely features.

He took her hands in his as he thought of what to say. He looked up when he felt a squeeze from the others smaller hands.

 _'Is everything alright Conner?'_ the martian asked looking deep into his eyes.

Superboy let out a sigh as he released her hands, opting to scratch Wolfe's head instead.

_'I don't know. I've just been feeling a little off after my encounter with Superman. Its just given me things to think about, you know?'_

_'How?'_

_'I don't know how to describe it, but this last time we actually kinda bonded.'_  His cheeks tinted pink as he felt his stomach flutter as he tried to explain himself to the one person who knew him best. _'And he actually was taking interest in me and what I had to say.'_ He rubbed at his neck as a small smile began to shape his lips, ' _I know this probably sounds silly-'_

 _'No. It doesn't. This sounds like something real, something human.'_  The redhead stepped up and cupped one of his warm cheeks.

_'Well, I guess it just feels like he actually cared, and it felt really good to have him there.'_

_'I'm so glad to hear this Conner.'_ She lowered her hand as their eyes met. ' _Are you alright?'_

_'Yeah, I think I'm good'_

“You know if there's anything wrong you can come to us?” M'gann took hold of his arm again and they resumed their walk.

Conner sighed, relief washing over him as the intensity of the conversation began to die down within him. He nodded in response to the martians statement.

They walked till they reached the cargo bay where the others were waiting in their civvies. 

“Did you convince Conner to come?” Dick asked as he mounted a bike.

“Not yet.” Was called back from his arm.

“Come on man, they'll be lots of babes there! I've got my eyes on Jenny porter!” Wally called out before he received a good blow from Artemis.

Superboy smiled at his friends, but shook his head. “No, I don't think I'll go. I'm not in the mood today guys.”

There were some complaints and more attempts to coax him into going, but they relented with little fight.

“Let them know I said hi.” He waved as he watched them exit through the large hanger door. 

He stood there awhile staring out to the surf just outside the cave. Wolfe nosed at his hand with a whine before the dog made to walk to the exit as well. Superboy sighed as he followed the canine outside.

* * *

 

They walked around the sandy shores awhile before Wolfe spotted something in the water and chased after it. Conner watched the beast prance around the waters in simple happiness. He found a large rock and perched himself on top of it enjoying the playful view. He could forget sometimes that Wolfe was capable of such ordinary acts, because of the ferocious killer he could be.

He shifted were he sat, mindlessly rubbing his side where a bruise was still healing from last night’s mission. His chest ached with every breath from the pain, so a day off to recover was more than he could have asked for. 

He noticed the splashing had ceased and looked over to the beast. Wolfe stood still in the shallow waters and looked back to him, then past him somewhere along the shoreline behind him. 

He froze at the wolfs reaction because he'd seen him react this way many times before. The genomorph rose to his feet and Wolfe was quickly at his side. He strained his senses to try and see what was the cause of the animals behavior and heard a soft shift in sand just beyond the edge of the rocks. He waited a moment longer, listening for anymore movement, but was confused at what he heard instead. 

Though it was light, it was still there. The soft sound of hiccuped breaths. Coming from... a man. 

He relaxed as the realization hit him. This person didn’t seem like a threat, more like someone who needed help. 

So without a second thought he quietly rushed over and around the bouldering rocks before he stopped dead in his tracks. 

It was a man. He was on his knees, head on the sand gripped between his hands. The sounds coming from the man were something primal, resonating something within the clone on a subatomic level. 

He was in a trance watching the man curl in on himself, bound to the symphony of horrific sounds. It wasn't until Wolfe whined and began to slowly approach the man did the two seem to take notice of their surroundings. 

The dark haired man jolted up as if stung and when his luminescent blue eyes finally settled on similar ones did the pair fully grasp the situation they were in.

Superman’s mouth hung slightly opened attempting to mouth words, but all that he managed was a gut wrenching sob.

Superboy followed every movement as the hero covered his face with his hands as he rose in an attempt to scurry away.

The younger teen acted before he thought and grabbed a hold of the elders arm and fought to stay him where he was. He looped around him, in attempt to captured his stare. When those tear stained eyes found his again his breath caught in his throat.

What was he doing? What could he possibly do? He was mostly the least qualified to handle a situation like this, but he had to try. 

So he took both of Clark's hands into his and squeezed tight, never breaking eye contact. 

“Let me help, Please.”

* * *

 

Superman-Clark refused to enter mount Justice in his civvies and Conner really couldn’t make him, nor did he want to. So they just sat on the sand in awkward silence as the Kryptonian tried his best to collect himself.

Conner watched the waves intently, focusing on the soothing sounds every small collision each made with the shore. His hands were tangled in white fur, unmoving except for the occasional squeeze every time he accidentally heard a sniffle or indication that the other super was still there looking ridiculously human. 

He was shocked to say the least. He hadn't recognized the leader of the league and seeing him in such a vulnerable position made him, uncomfortable to say the least. 

Kal-El-Clark-Superman, whoever he was, always seemed so strong, regal, exuberated confidence, was unbreakable. But now seeing him in his current condition, caused such a confusion within the clone, that all he could do was try to act like nothing was out of the ordinary. That the thumping in his ears was from the shoreline and not his nerves. 

* * *

 

Sometime had passed and the sun began to descend, he heard shifting in the sands next to him. He watched as the elder walked to the shore and scooped up some salt water, splashing it on his wet face. He stayed there and looked out past the horizon to the setting sun.

Wolfe whined as he got up from his masters lap and shook the salt from his hide. The beast then proceeded to Clarks side, pawing at his leg. Conner held his breath, as moments passed without a reaction from the reporter. But then a hand came out and rested behind the beasts ears and moved slowly. Then arms wrapped around the wolfs neck as he was pulled into an embrace by the super.

"You remind me of my dog." Clark whispered to the dog scratching at its back.

The beast responded surprisingly gentle, lightly licking at the man’s salty cheek. 

Clark sighed as he got up and walked back over to where his clone sat and waited.

Conner wasn't sure what was happening, but he motion for the other to take a seat next to him in the sand and the elder quickly obliged plopping himself on the warm sand.

They sat in silence awhile before the elder fell back completely onto the sand.

Conner watched the alien pinch the bridge of his nose in what seemed like thought or perhaps was it pain? He wasn’t quite sure what could have caused Superman to act this way and he wasn't sure if it was his place to ask, but from what he'd seen Clark really needed someone right then.

"So do you want to talk about what happened or...?" The genomorph asked glancing at the lying figure.

Unearthly blue eyes met his stare before closing.

"Superboy-"

"-Conner." the clone interjected.

Slivers of blue eyed him a moment "…Conner. I'm sorry you had to see that back there, but..."

Superboy watched as he looked to the darkening sky as he pieced together his explanation. Conner really didn’t want to rush him, this was a great opportunity for them to grow and begin to bond in some fashion. 

He was startled suddenly as the Kryptonian sat up then, focusing his attention to the teen. His face contorted and his eyes became dewy.

"Conner-" The elder turned to him fully then crawling closer on his knees. "Conner. I'm so sorry." He held his hands out almost begging.

This action terrified the clone as he watched the helpless scene before him. 

"What are you doing? What are you apologizing for?" He attempted to rationalize the situation.

The super wiped at his eyes before speaking again. Much softer then.

"I'm sorry Conner if I seem like I haven't been there-"

"You haven't."

"-Yes. I know, but you have to understand that it was-is difficult for me to just suddenly find out that someone… my arch nemesis collected my DNA a-and cloned me!" His voice rose in volume as he attempted to make his point. "It's just a huge violation! It made me feel not safe. Like I wasn't Superman."

"And I'm just the constant reminder that Luthor got the best of you." Superboy looked to the last rays of the setting sun past the horizon. Unwilling to let the other see his stinging eyes.

Conner thanked the thundering waves of else the silence would've driven him mad. He started as he felt a warm hand hesitantly take his and he looked to where they connected, then to the elders sorrow stricken grin. 

"I know it sounds cliché, but after all this that’s happened. After all that you've been through, all that… I've put you through. You really came out to be a great individual." He chuckled as he touched the red crest in the younger man’s chest. "You certainly are Super. At least more than I'll ever be."

Conner watched him a moment. "Why do you say that?"

"Because it's true."

"How could I ever be more super than Superman? I'm not even full Kryptonian." Superboy grabbed hold of the hand on his chest. 

Clark shook his head as he brought their hands into their laps. "That’s how I know you’re so young. You're so naïve." He ruffled the boys hair. " It doesn't matter if you're half, full, quarter Kryptonian or have powers at all. It’s your actions. Your manner with people. You," he gave Conner a good squeeze to the shoulder for emphasis. “are kind, considerate, bold, brave, loyal, honest and forgiving. All very noble and difficult qualities to establish and preserve. Also, I'm Superman. I think I can tell when something is super or not."

They both shared a laugh over that, and Wolfe ran over and laid on his masters lap.

They sat on the sand a while longer in companionable silence before sphere rolled out onto the beach to tell them the others were on their way back. Superman made that his queue to leave and after some awkward farewells Clark began to float away, but Conner caught the elder by his ankle before he flew off. 

"Don't think this is over." Superboy threatened, grip tightening 

"What isn't over?" The reporter answered back in complete confusion

"I know that _our_ problem wasn't what had you in tears."

That stunned superman into shocked silence, his mouth falling open trying to reason out an explanation.

"Save it. I saw that back there." He pulled at the leg, bringing the man back down to earth.

Clark let him, not in the mood to fight. Remaining quiet as he was now on the same ground as his clone.

"I appreciate everything that's happened here today, but if we want this-" he motioned between themselves, unsure as to what to call their relationship. “to work, you can't be hiding or shouldering whatever it is that caused that that I saw. I know that scene." Blue eyes looked away in hurt. " Rejection."

Clark winced at the teens accurate guesstimation. That made the boy look up. He sighed as he stepped closer to Superman.

"I know it's not my place to ask, but I can tell its ripping you apart and I just want you to know that I'm here if you need anything, anyone to talk to or just to hang out with, whatever." 

He held out a hand and Superman stared at it a moment before taking it, squeezing gently.

"Thank you, Conner. I'll see you soon."

With that, Clark floated away. Not to his apartment, not to work, nor to Lois', not anywhere. He just floated, low stratosphere deep in thought. And maybe he fell asleep on a cloud when exhaustion hit.

And Conner faked smiles all night as he listened to his rowdy roommates retell the stories of how they spent their night off.

And when asked how his time off was, he tried his best to hide his growing smile.

“Not much, nothing all that interesting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry its been so long since I've posted, but you know life


	6. Angst

Blinding sunlight awoke Clark the next day. Squinting, he peered down to the ground below and found he had floated off the coast of Texas. A yawn ripped itself from his throat as he scrubbed at his face. He pulled out his phone and found that it was dead.

Great.

He looked to the suns trajectory and guessed it to be around 1 in the afternoon.

Fantastic.

He flew down to some open pasture and smiled as a herd of cows mooed and trampled over to him. He petted them as he quickly made his way out of the owners property, very conscious of the state’s way of dealing with trespassers. That would certainly be a shock to the owners. 

He hopped the fence, turning to give the cows one last pet before walking in the direction where he thought he heard a gas station.

His feet dragged along the black asphalt as cars whipped passed him on the highway. The leaguer felt increasingly more energetic as the strong rays from the sun overhead flowed through his being.

When he reached the truck stop, he entered the busy building thankful they had a diner attached. Clark really had no need to eat, but it was just something ingrained into him from growing up human. He often craved certain items and really liked the pure satisfaction from the feeling of being full. He guessed it was just another human trait he became accustomed to. 

The diner was dark, illuminated only by a set of large windows facing the front of the station and held a strong scent of lingering Tabasco sauce. His body hunched in on itself as he took note of how the other diner customers directed their attention his way as he was sat by a sturdy young woman with a messy bun. She sat him in a corner booth and took out a pad and pen awaiting his order. Clark scanned the menu quickly then asked for a coffee with an order of eggs, bacon, side of dry wheat toast and grits. With a click she was gone and he was left to his own devices. He stared out the window as he waited, watching the busy station. His mind whirred with thoughts about his apartment, his job; that is if he still had one when he got back, how Lois would have his ass for disappearing for so long and then finally to Bruce. Always Bruce. 

There was never a time when he wasn't thinking of the man. Well, except whenever he was with Lois ... and Conner. There lie a different set of problems that usually provided adequate distractions.

He jumped slightly when the waitress, Trish he thinks, slammed the plates down in front of him. 

"Oh! I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you!" She laughed nervously. 

"You're fine. I'm just outta sorts is all." His smile came easily, but felt agonizingly forced. 

"Ooo, I'm sorry to hear that. Well, I hope things work out for you." The waitress gave him a small sad grin, then jumped when she was called over by another customer. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?" Her face twisted in understandable grief as she backed away from the table.

"Will do. Thanks." He whispered to the retreating figure, fully turning to his meal.

He took his time, sectioning off his food as he ate and found his gaze lingering on every patron that passed his line of sight. Clark honestly might have creeped a couple people out, as he'd been caught a couple times staring, but he would just smirk and look down at his meal. The waitress never checked on him for the remainder of his meal and the alien couldn't have been more delighted with the solitude.

When finished, Clark made his way to the register, paid and tipped the waitress who apologized for forgetting him and gave him a free pie. He took it for later, walking out with pie and coffee in hand and made his way out of the truck stop parking lot into some trees where he found a small clearing before booming off into the sky.

 

* * *

 

 

It was 3:46 pm when he arrived atop his apartment building. Clark huffed as he seated himself on the ledge of the building and pulled out his pie. It was pecan, and the whip cream had melted to a mush on top of the brown triangle. He scooped a piece into his mouth and closed his eyes as they began to sting, liquid was flowing down his cheeks before he'd even realized it. 

The pie tasted amazing.

And it tasted just like the one his mother made. 

Even cold, the pecans crunched perfectly and the crust was just doughy enough. He opened his eyes to an extremely blurry view. Then blinked harshly, so that he could glare at the incriminatingly delicious dessert before hurling it somewhere off into the distance. He watched it fly a few seconds before turning on his heel and entering the building and finally into his apartment.

First thing he noted was the neat stack of mail on his kitchen counter, then the dark figure seated on one of his seats in the living area.

His eyes were saucers and those swollen blue eyes locked with sharp ones. 

"B-Bruce?" He struggled.

"Clark."

The aliens steps were steady, measured as he addressed the man afraid of what might happen if he wasn't careful.

"What are you doing here?” The memory of their last encounter crossed his mind, the weeks of agonizing punishment Clark endured as Bruce shut him out. Then the nightmarish incident that happened on the farm with his mother. “Why are you here?" He whispered almost harshly.

"We need to talk."

Superman breathed loudly through his nose, letting his arms hang loosely at his side. He walked to his bedroom as he began to remove his clothing, hearing an increasing heartbeat from the living area along with quiet footsteps.

“Clark.” Was called from the doorway to his room now.

Clark sighed as he finished buttoning his pant and reached for a fresh shirt ignoring the other man in the room.

Bruce grew bolder as his companion remained obliviously silent to his calls.

“Where have you been, Clark?” the older males voice sounded just behind the Kryptonian.

When the billionaire didn’t receive a response or any indication of the others attention, he grabbed hold of the man of steels shoulder to make him face him, but Clark just rolled his hand off and walked off into his small bathroom.

Bruce stood shocked a moment from Clark's reaction, but pursued him to the bathroom where he found the other aggressively brushing his teeth.

Their eyes met in the mirror above his sink and that’s when he saw what the alien had been trying to hide. His usually vibrant eyes dulled and rimmed red by who knows how many hours of anguish. Truthfully it hurt him to see Clark this way.

Bruce tried again, gentler this time. He walked up to his old friend, best friend, and lightly placed his hand on his shoulder blade in comfort.

“Hey.” The brushing paused a moment as their eyes met once again in the reflective surface. “I wanted to talk about what happened.”

Clark spit and whirled around at those words, eyes dark as he walked passed the elder man.

“Clark!” Bruce called after him watching the man grab a jacket and his keys.

“What, Bruce?” Clark grumbled from the apartment entrance.

“Clark, we need to talk.” He stepped closer to the man. “We need to talk about what happened that day. I’ve thought that—”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” The younger man looked away as he confessed.

“Everyone’s noticed something is wrong with Superman—"

“So this is what this is about.” Clark scoffed, unable to meet the other leaguer's stare. “Your reputation.” He spat.

“What?” Bruce bit back, stepping closer to the alien.

“I know you always have to have everything your way Bruce. Have everything planned out well in advance, but now because of what I—did. You can’t stand not being in control of the situation. I’m just some unexpected wayward variable you have to get in check, so that everything can go back to how you want it to be.” Clark was now toe-to-toe with the caped crusader, eyeing him with a piercing gaze.

“No Clark.” Bruce inched even closer to the heated man, raising a hand and resting it on his neck, squeezing in reassurance. “We’re worried. I’m worried about you, Clark.”

They gazed at each other a moment before Clark’s face began to twitch and his eyes clamped shut as tears began to pour from his eyes.

For the second time that night, Bruce was shocked at what he saw.

He was broken from his trance as he heard a small whimper. He could not recall ever seeing Clark this sad before. He was uncomfortable, but knew he was to blame for this. Bruce knew he had to do something. So he made to console the shaking man, but was robbed of the opportunity as said alien ripped himself from his grasp.

For the third time was Bruce Wayne shocked that night.

“Clark!” He called out to the retreating figure.

“I’m sorry Bruce, but I just can’t take this right now.” The Kryptonian tried his best to collect himself as he backed out of the apartment, sprinting out of the building, onto the harbor, then across the ocean.

Bruce stood at the door of the apartment, knowing there was no way of finding the super now. He sat on the couch rubbing his temples as he thought of what to do next.

**Author's Note:**

> Next Chapters will be up soon.


End file.
